He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
