Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize