..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
