We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
