**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize