and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
