She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
