i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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