The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize