if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
