so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
