First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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