I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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