We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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