Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i believe in u and ur pee
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
