listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize