my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
