Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
