The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
