The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
