I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
