I can text with my tongue
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
