saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
