finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
