How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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