Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize