For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
