I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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