I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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