umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
