Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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