I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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