Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
