I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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