you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
