she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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