I just cut my nipple shaving
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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