I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
