my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
