No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
