You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
They have beer where we have blood.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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