Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
