I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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