What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
