i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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