Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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