How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
