batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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