Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
