grandma shit on top of the toilet
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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