we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
