We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
