it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
