You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
