Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
