Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
