you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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