dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dignity is for republicans.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
