Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
