Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
