yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
