Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
