so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize