i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
