If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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