it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
