When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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